Moment in the pandemic

 There were many important moments in the midst of the pandemic that stick out to me, I almost feel as though I could write an entire book. There is however, one very important moment that changed my life for the better. 

Everything had shut down on March 13, 2020, and I had just gotten back from a trip to Disney World and Universal Studios. While on this trip I was so excited to be in Universal because I hadn't been since I was 8. While in line for the first ride my friends and I chatted about all the rides we were going to ride that day and all the yummy food we were going to eat. As we boarded the ride the shoulder bar wouldn't click all the way, and I was told I had to get off of the ride because I could not fit. This absolutely crushed me. While my friends enjoyed the ride, I stood by the exit feeling a million different emotions. One thing I could not grasp was the fact that I could fit on all the rides at Disney World but not Universal where the rides are more geared towards adults. I was angry, embarrassed and felt like I could cry but I held strong. I thought maybe it was just that particular ride and so we made our way towards another ride. This ride had a test seat out front, and I could not fit in that one either. My friends were amazing and did not let any of that ruin our time but for the rest of the day that is all I thought about. I could not let it go, it replayed over and over in my mind. 

Although this did not happen during the pandemic it led up to a significant moment. During the height of the pandemic when I was out of work from March to June, I had gained 40 pounds. That was when I finally decided to make a change. On July 22, 2020, I had my initial consultation for weight loss surgery. It was one of the biggest decisions I have ever made in my life and one that I am beyond thankful for. 

My relationship with food started at a very young age and the habits I picked up over the years never went away. I had to retrain my brain to develop a new relationship with food and to really tap into my emotions and understand why I turned to food as ways to cope. When you go for an initial consultation, they tell you that its mostly all mental and that the surgery was not just going to fix the problem. They were right. I am still working hard every day to make better choices and take care of my body. I listen to my body now, I know my hunger cues, I know when to stop eating so I do not overeat. That one moment that led to that decision to change my life will forever be the steppingstone for me for a better future. I feel better about myself in all areas of my life. I have been doing things I never would have thought I would ever do. For example, riding amusement park rides again with no fear of not being able to fit and even kayaking! It has not been an easy journey by any means but finally on December 15, 2021, I had the gastric bypass surgery and as of today I am down 152 pounds from my heaviest weight.